Last week was particularly stressful, and by thursday I was at that point of overwhelment (did I just make up a new word? haha ^^) and my mind and body just couldn't take it any longer, and well it kind of exploded. By thursday the stress had all caught up to me and I had extremely built up anxiety, which caused me to be physically sick :( The following day my mind and body literally did 'shut down' and I fainted in one of my seminars! It was so embarrassing, and such a horrible experience. I've fainted before, but this time was different because I was with a group of people I didn't know particularly well and in a situation (speech class) which made me all the more stressed than I already was. It all happened very suddenly... we were all sitting around a big table, having just listened to somebody give their presentation, and all of a sudden I got very very hot, and started sweating like crazy (which is very rare because I hardly ever get hot). Then my eyes started blacking out, and everything was flashing black and white. I put my elbows onto the table and rested my head in my hands, trying to calm myself down and not cause a scene in class. But then I felt my whole body shaking profusely. Luckily I had told my friend Sarah (who was sitting behind me) before class that I was really stressed and that I had been sick the night before. She realised what was happening and helped me leave the room. I don't remember clearly what happened next, but Sarah told me I walked to the door fine, but then when i got to the door I just went straight into it (I don't remember that happening, so I must have fainted at that moment in time), I vaguely remember a few of my classmates picking me up to help me out into the corridor. They got me to sit down and my vision started coming back, but in flashes again. I could hear them talking to me again, but it sounded like they were shouting. Luckily admin came to my rescue and somebody who had been through all the training to deal with situations like that. They were all so lovely, somebody made me a cup of tea with sugar in their own mug, one of my lecturers came and spoke to me for a while to make sure I was alright, and Sarah stayed with me which helped me feel less embarrassed.
Wow I sound like such a drama queen haha ^^ But it really wasn't a very nice experience, and I really don't want that to happen again! My friends took really good care of me over the weekend, and I'm so grateful to them for that, I really am so lucky to have such amazing friends! Emma and Lucy came with me to the doctors because I was feeling anxious and was worried I could have a freak-o moment if I was left alone. The doctor recommended I do a blood test, and so I went on tuesday morning to have it done. It was my first ever blood test! Beth came with me and kept me company, which I am so grateful to her for. She woke up extra early just to come with me so that I would be less nervous, such a cutie pie ^^ I got my results yesterday, and the doctor has asked to see me again next week. I'm kind of worried about it, but I guess I won't know what's up until next thursday so i'm trying my best to keep calm about it, as it may not be anything to worry about (fingers crossed!).
I went to a mindfulness session last week, which I had been wanting to do for ages, and therefore was so glad to finally start learning how to practice it. Mindfulness is a buddhist practise which involves meditation. It does NOT involve thinking about 'nothing', and is actually the complete opposite! The aim of Mindfulness is to train your mind to focus your attention on what you want it to focus on, to pay attention to the present moment, to 'watch' your thoughts and feelings un-judgementally rather than being consumed by them. It is a learnt skill that requires patience and it does take a long time to get to grips with. However, it truly is a worthwhile skill to learn, and i'm very excited to attend more sessions, learn more about the practise and in turn get better at practising it and applying it to every day life. It is also a form of therapy that I am highly interested in training for, so that I can apply it throughout my career as a clinical psychologist! I will most certainly be creating an entire post about mindfulness in the near future, once i've attended a few more sessions and practised it more regularly in my day to day living. Look out for it if you're interested in learning more about it!
The main aim of this week for me was to manage my stress and to look after myself. I realised that I've been running on extremely high levels of stress since coming back to Bangor in September, and I was just too busy to look after myself properly. I realised that I was running low on inspiration and that that was probably a strong factor causing my negative moods. Last year I finally found a person who truly inspired me; Miranda Kerr! Her positive approach to life truly is incredible, and she is such a strong, independent, genuine woman, who seriously has become my number one role model. She carries herself with such confidence and she encourages the public and all of her fans to look after themselves, both physically and mentally. If you haven't read her book 'Treasure Yourself'...you must! She's just such an inspiration, and I just love her incredibly :') Whenever I have low-self esteem, whenever I feel anxious or whenever I realise I need an energy lift, I always watch her interviews or read sections of her book, and they never fail to make me feel better about things. I realised this week that a reason i've probably kind of fallen apart this past month is because I haven't taken the time to be inspired. I didn't keep reminding myself of the things that Miranda's messages had taught me (to care for myself, and to believe in myself) and as a result I lacked positive internal vibes. This week I have been 'catching up' on Miranda inspiration, and I'm already feeling so much better for it!
This is my favourite interview with Miranda, and I've shared it with so many of my friends, purely because I believe she's such a good role model and every girl should have somebody to look up to... So i'll share the video with you guys here ^^
This week I also went to yoga with Lucy. Which was really great! I love yoga, and one of my favourite memories has to be a time in Bintan when I did yoga on the beach during sunset... heavenly! ^^ This weeks session was for an hour and a half, and although it wasn't on a beach, with the sounds of water and waves, but instead in a studio room, with the sounds of people playing squash on the courts next door, it was still a really relaxing hour and a half ^^ I was in much need of de-stressing!
Monday night Lucy, Emma, Beth and I went to Varsity for half price dinner ^^ It was a really nice meal with my girls, and it helped take my mind of stuff and just relax for a while. These three girls have been so great in being there for me lately and I love them all the more for it. Thank you beauts! <3
Lucy and I.
Lucy and Emma.
Beth and I.
ALSO, my parents booked my flight tickets home today... for NEXT WEEKEND! :O It was a totally spontaneous decision to go home next weekend for my study week, because I wasn't planning on going back home to Spain until my holiday in December. But my mum text me during my lecture yesterday, when I was feeling very stressed, after having just found out my blood test results and being told that the doctor wanted to see me again, so when my mum asked me if I had decided to come home for my study week, I just was like 'YES I WANT TO'. I need a mummy cuddle, and cuddles from my puppies! I need my mum's home cooked meals and I need to just GET AWAY FROM ALL THE STRESS THAT'S BEEN FOLLOWING ME AROUND HERE IN BANGOR. I'm so relieved and excited to know that i'm going home so soon. I really do NEED to go home, over wise i'm going to just explode!
I just got home from an interview to participate in a volunteer group at a local mental health unit. And I really really really want to be chosen. I'm not sure how well my interview went, I think I came across as confident, but i'm worried I sounded a bit too keen... if that's possible? haha ^^ We'll see, i'll let you know once I hear back from them whether I got chosen or not. Eekkk!
I also got my two speeches out of the way today in my speech class! Thank goodness! That was also a huge relief :') And guess what... I didn't faint! Success! haha ^^
Sorry this post was very poorly structured, and severely unorganized, i've been having a pretty hectic time lately...as you can probably tell! Hopefully my next post isn't so frantic. I've got fitness training in 45 minutes for netball, so I can blow off some steam there ^^ Hope you're all well and haven't been as stressed as I have!
-Alyssa xo
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